If you came and visited, let me know

Now I know that I’m a Jewish Mother but I don’t want to be too bossy and tell you things like to put on a sweater in case its cold outside or that you should remember to eat a healthy meal.

This Blog is mainly a series of essays blabbing about my views and opinions on life. Sometimes I write because my family and friends are tired of hearing it from me. Sometimes I write because its my way of putting the universe straight, making it make sense to me. Its not a time-based blab about what I had for breakfast or the cute dress I saw in the store window yesterday. I have Facebook for that. So don’t feel like you need to only read the latest post. Go and take a look at the word cloud on the right hand side and pick a topic that might interest you. You’ll see what I have to say about it. Its not like its old news.

But I do want to say that if you came and read something here please tell me that you were here. Write a comment, under the essay you read. Tell me you liked what I had to say or tell me you thought I was pissing in the wind if that’s what you think. I can take it.

Thinking and then pressing keys to make words appear on a screen is pretty silent and lonely work. But if you come by and let me know you read those words, then at least I don’t feel like I’m just screaming at the top of my lungs into an empty room.

And you probably should wear a sweater if its cold out.

38 Responses to “If you came and visited, let me know”

  • Roz Says:

    I finally started reading some of your blog stuff. I enjoyed reading about your ‘background’. Brings back some memories for me too!! I forgot that you started out in Fashion!! And you lasted 2 YEARS? Wow!!

  • Nancy Henningsen Says:

    Hilarie..I was always curling my hair and u were always making in straight…in the over one day…I, too, created my own family and you were definitely part of it on W. 90th Street. You took Alex..now with his own 3 kids..to LUke Skywalker and I planned many a Thanksgiving and Xmas feasts…And when ALex and I visited you in Stockholm I felt as thot I was visiting family. We’re still family and reading your blog brot me into your life again. Your description of the thunderstorm is very poetic and lyrical. I’m having a cup of tea with you in my office in Silver Spring watching another thunderstorm..quieter than yours. We had to spend 2 days cutting and hauling branches after our last 70mph windy storm. Going to W 90th this wkend as ALan is off to Beijing. Sending u all a HUGE HUG……

  • Carolyn Says:

    This is lovely, Hilarie. Beautiful and full of nuance. I’ll stop by again soon. Can almost feel the air.

  • Linda Says:

    Hilarie, I love the way to take time to observe and YES, articulate! You have always been good at that! Good wife hits the nail on the head. Let’s get priorities straight! miss you Love your pal in the south Linda

  • Uncle Wally Says:

    I never realized how good a writer you are. Your blog is enjoyable.
    Kisses to your clan

  • Kristin Ockert Says:

    Hi, Hilarie!
    Long time no hear from! I have sent you a few winter updates (my one homage to correspondance that I can sort of keep up with) but haven’t heard back. Splitting my time between WA State and AZ, of all places. Maybe we could skype sometime and catch up!

  • Hilarie Says:

    Hi Kristin, nice to hear from you. I got your new years letter that said you had remarried. I think that might have been the year I missed sending out a NYs greeting. Definitely skype with me. My skype name is hilariecutler. pretty simple. I use skype very often. Take care of yourself.

  • martha podell Says:

    Hi Hilarie,
    How nice it was to see u live-and-in person and the j.a.p.s., a couple of weeks ago. let’s do it again! Occasionally, i stop by your blog and get to “know” you a little bit better each time, i enjoy your writing! 😀 thank u! hugs

  • Alison Sheehan Says:

    Hi, Hilarie. Just read your entry on distance. Most enjoyable, as are all your entries. Why have we not invented beaming (as in Star Trek) yet? Until then, we have the internet. Becoming reacquainted with people I haven’t seen or corresponded with since high school without ever leaving the house – like you, I’m a slug, and travel is a nuisance – is the most valuable feature of Facebook, I think. As for the Good Wife, an advantage of growing older is that we become more relaxed; we don’t have to keep up those standards of “perfection” – if we ever did. When I hear my young coworkers fret about hair and clothes and love lives and chasing after promotions and chasing after young children, I smile in secret delight that that is all in the past and I DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT ANY MORE. Anyhow, as the youngsters say, you rock!

  • Alison Sheehan Says:

    Another enjoyable visit to your blog, Hilarie. But I have to wonder where this term “Jewish mother” came from! It sounds just like my Connecticut Yankee mother. Now go eat your vegetables and put on a sweater.

  • Hilarie Says:

    Alison: Thank you. Im so glad you enjoy reading my blogg. As for the differences between DYM and JM, your CYM sounds very direct. My JM is much more round about. She doesnt just want you to eat some veggies. She wants you to eat all the food and double helpings to boot and she does this by asking questions instead of direct orders. “Are you sure you ate enough? When did you eat last? Dont you want some more? You dont want me to have too many leftovers,do you?” that kind of thing. Its a subtle difference. And as far as the sweater thing – it goes more like this, “Arent you cold? You dont want to get sick do you? Do you think that shirt is warm enough?” Finally you put on the stupid sweater just to get her to leave you alone. Luckily I dont have one of those kinds of mothers. Unfortunatly, I am one of those kinds. :-S

  • Tina Says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HILARIE!!! 60? That’s nuthin’. 60 is the new ….uh….39! I know, you said, “Yeah, right!, with all the sarcasm you could muster up! Anyway, join the “60s Club”. It’s better than the alternative, don’ you deny that! I must admit this is the first time I’ve read you blog…fun stuff! (Even if its a tad depressing when you say, for example, that you feel you’re dead! But I know it’s tongue in cheek…that’s Hilarie! And, by the way, I like your writing. Entertaining, pithy, straight from the heart, very real. Keep up the good work! MISS YOU and of course the “guys”, too! Kram, Tina

  • Tina Says:

    P.S. Sorry about all the typos!!! My excuse is that I”m a little stressed, right in the middle of moving to the West Village… more on that later! But I did want to acknowledge you for your birthday, even if it’s the day after!

  • Kristin Ockert Says:

    Hi, Hillarie! Emma is leaving for Sweden today! She will be staying with friends around the Stockholm area. She has a small gift for you from me. Is there a time before August 12th that she could stop by? I think you said that you are still getting some mail for me at your place. She could pick that up, too. Let me know and I’ll get you her contact info. Thanks, dear lady. And a happy 6-0 to you!!!/Kristin

  • Richard Says:

    I admire your positive energy and your forthright words.
    FB Friend of Stig: RISD ’70 Architecture

  • Risa Says:

    just to let you know we’re here and thinking of you…

  • Jeff Says:

    My thoughts are with you. I hope I’ll have the same fortitude.

  • Carolyn Says:

    Oh Hilarie, this is such a moving account of your journey with your mother, and I thank you for being willing to disclose it. I’ll be thinking of you in the days ahead. Lots of love.

  • Debbie ( Gerber) Says:

    Hi Hilarie,
    Glad you told her… I think it was better than letting her think he was ok but not coming to see her… I am here if you want to talk or need anything… Talk to you soon, D

  • richard f. bertrand jr. Says:

    sometimes i cry when i read you

  • Rita Reich Says:

    Hilarie, you really should become a writer professionally. You certainly write expressively and emotionally. I’m sorry you are going through such a trying experience with your Mom. It was 6 years ago today that Walter passed away. I sat by his bedside for a week holding his hand as he slowly passed. Although I felt relieved that he was no longer suffering, the pain was still difficult for me to bear. I go to the cemetary on every anniversary, birthday and holiday to talk to him and tell him the events in the family. I don’t know if he hears me, but I feel better for doing so. I’m spending Hanukkah and Christmas here in Audubon with Larry, Ashley, the grandchildren (ages 7 & 4). Stuart is off to London with Kate and Charlotte(age 2) to visit Kate’s parents.

    I hope your Mother’s suffering is lessened and you can be more at peace.


  • Eva E Says:

    Deep in her last dreams she remembered the date of your return flight and decided to stay on some extra weeks just to spend them close to you. Not until the last days the time had come for her to pass on … grateful for the time you got together.

  • caren mcaleese Says:

    Hi, I truly find you to be an amazing person. If i find you on facebook accept my friendship. It’s caren from healthcare.

  • Sandy Rosenberg Says:

    Hi Hilarie,
    I hope you are finally home and cozy with your family once again. I think of you often and hope we can continue to communicate.
    Wishing you a very happy, peaceful, and prosperous New Year.

  • Gina Schiavone Says:

    You are an amazing writer. I am enjoying reading all of it. I’m crying and laughing. I am so happy I had the the opportunity to meet you. Just know that all of us in Healthcare truly love your Mom. We are grieving with you. She is at peace and no longer suffering. I wish you peace and all the best life can offer, you deserve it. Keep writing, its beautiful, emotional and uplifting.

  • Uncle Wally Says:

    A very touching tribute. Thank you, Hilarie

  • Roz Davis Says:

    Hi Hilarie!! I just read your story about “The Fuschia Coat”. I’m sure your mom was listening when you wrote that. I still think of my mom in similar ways and sometimes on a daily basis. When I have a glass of sherry, I think of her as she stated that tradition and I like to carry it on. I too have some pieces of clothing that my mom or grandmother gave me. I still have this cashmere coat that was my mom’s – it’s a bit moth-eaten, bit I just can’t get rid of it.

    I run across photos or old handwritten letters that I still remember their handwriting styles as ‘theirs’. I recenlty found some of my grandmother’s recipes that she had written down.

    I too remember at the end that it sometimes was a chore to talk to my mom on the phone – I had to repeat stories or listen to hers over and over as if it were the first time. I just hope I remember these ‘quirks’ as I get older and my children are faced with my aging ‘self’.

  • Suzanne Says:

    Hi Hilarie,

    Thank you for your beautifully-written reflections of life in Sweden. I stumbled upon it while looking for resources on being Jewish in Stockholm, and I was wondering if I might get some more information from you? I grew up in New York City (on the UWS, actually!) in a very secular but very culturally Jewish family, and most of the information I’ve seen for Jews in Stockholm seems to be for people who are more in the Conservative/Orthodox bent. I’m planning to move to Sweden in a few months (yes, just in the heart of winter), and I would really appreciate any resources/tips you could send my way so the Jewish New Yorker in me doesn’t feel *too* lost. suzannepolivy@gmail.com Thanks so much!

  • sandy rosenberg Says:

    Hi Hiarie,
    I just finished reading in your new blog about the year that has gone by after your mom’s passing. I can’t tell you how I appreciated that what you wrote reflected so much of what I wanted to say.
    I still send cards to some of my mother’s friends to let them know they are still remembered as well.
    Love and wishing you a wonderful Spring and Passover.

  • Cari Says:

    I knew you were a designer but I had no idea you could write so well – as well! I have tears in my eyes reading about your relationship with your mother. You express things beautifully. Keep it up!

    • Hilarie Says:

      Thanks Cari, Writing seems to be what I want to do more of. I just wish I was more disciplined. I’m glad you liked what I’ve written. /Hilarie

  • Nathaniel Glasser Says:

    Good stuff!! Will def check out more posts in the future. And I will wear my sweater. ; )

  • Sallie Redman Says:

    Finally started reading your blog after all the wonderful comments other people have made about it. I loved reading about the long good-bye to your mother. It wasn’t dissimilar to my own experience when my mother passed away. It was very touching to read. Thank you.

  • Ron Pavellas Says:

    At the end of your last email to me I see you have a blog. So, here I am. I just subscribed.

  • John Stevens Says:

    Hi Hilarie

    I too have become Outlander obsessed. I came to your blog from your post on Mellissa’s Observations. I hope things especially your husbands health have improved. My wife and I live in NJ and have two children in Hoboken so really identified with you. I joined the Lit Forum and post once in awhile. It was really overwhelming while the show was on air but has gotten much quieter. I feel a little odd because there aren’t many male fans but I have had the same reaction as you. I have never felt this way about a book or show. Thanks for your thoughts.


    • Hilarie Says:

      Hi John,
      Nice to meet you. Welcome to my world. I have no memory what I wrote on Mellissa’s obs page. I am also on the Lit forum but haven’t worked up the nerve to post there yet. I recognize your name from there I think. For the past 2 years or so I’ve hung out at the Outlander subreddit, posting there semi-frequently. But they got tiring. All they do is complain about stuff. So I don’t go there much anymore. And you’re right, there doesnt seem like very many men are too interested in Outlander. My husband refuses to even let me talk about it. He feels that would be just supporting my obsession and I guess he’s right.
      In any case, don’t give up. I hope to see you around sometime on the Lit forum. And thanks for reading my blog.

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