Its a new year.

I sent out a nice graphic with pictures of the family doing stuff during this past pandemic year.  A short catch-up letter went along with it to people who live far away from my life here. It was generally positive because that’s what catch-up letters are supposed to be, right? I put the picture up on Facebook too. But how am I actually?

I’ve been thinking I might be depressed…but in a weird kind of way because I am not actually unhappy. I know that deep down I’m a lazy bugger. I have never been one of those people who always have to keep busy doing “projects” all the time. But now I can’t seem to do anything! I finally got out of bed today around noon! The main thing that gets me out of bed is because I have to pee. That’s a terrible reason – important – but terrible. There are so many coulda-woulda-shouldas on my to-do list that never get done. Actually, I don’t even bother putting them on the to-do list. They just float around in my head. The to-do list is for things that need to get done or there will be dire consequences, like the tax people will be after me or there will be nothing in the house to eat – so I do those things but always at the last minute. Its like getting out of bed because of urination issues.

I don’t sleep well. When I finally fall asleep I wake up two hours later and then can’t fall back to sleep so I just lie there looking at boring stuff on my phone. By the time I fall back to sleep its almost morning and then I don’t get out of bed till noon. I no longer have to go to work and I no longer have any kid at home to take care of. So time means nothing. And this pandemic encourages me to just stay in the house all the time which I must admit is my favorite place to be…sort of.

Even back in the 70s and 80s, in New York, it was hard to budge me out of my apartment.

Friends would call me up and ask if I wanted to go out to do something with them and I always had some sort of reason why I couldn’t. Back then the only social media we had was the telephone (attached to a wire in a wall) and maybe the answering machine. People who knew me really well, knew that a phone call wouldn’t work and that they would have to come physically knocking on my door and drag me out, accepting no excuses. Nowadays we have sms texts, Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp, Skype and this year, Zoom to keep us in touch. I can feel connected without ever having to leave my house. I even joined a New Year’s Eve dance party last night via Zoom – for half an hour at least. I’m not much for dancing. But I have to admit that I like being able to go to a party without actually having to get all dressed up and go there.

So how am I? Am I just waiting for the days to get longer and brighter? Am I just waiting for this pandemic to end? Am I just waiting to be able to meet friends once again in real life? Is virtual life getting me down? And after this pandemic ends will I miss being able to be social without leaving my house?

I don’t know. But this song keeps running through my head and I keep wondering what condition my condition is in. To paraphrase Kenny Rogers, I think my mind is in “a brown paper bag” and I am watching myself “crawlin’ out as I was a-crawlin’ in”

But the days are getting longer. The dark will disappear. And… as I said…its a new year!

Happy new year everyone.

PS:
Heres a link to Kenny Rogers and The First Edition singing “Just Dropped In”
Also I just want to say the 70s were great. I love the aviators, the white go go boots, mini skirts, the music and I truly believe beards go best with long hair.