The cocktail party

Hi… my name is Hilarie… and…  I’m an addict.

Maybe not the usual kind though. I rarely drink. I don’t take drugs, unless I’m sick. Being a pessimist, I know I’ll never win so I don’t gamble either.

No…my addiction is to Facebook.

In 2009, a friend of mine talked me into joining. I had heard of it. It was something youngsters were doing. I’m not really a joiner kind of person and didn’t see the point but I joined. It didn’t take very long and I was hooked.

These days, I usually check my Facebook page first thing in the morning before getting ready for work – reading all the updates that came in during the night.

The first thing I do when I come home in the evening, before I start my routine of making dinner, is to check Facebook.

But, like an alcoholic who feels he’s got his drinking under control because he doesn’t drink at work, I don’t check my News Feed during the day at my job. Okay, Okay! I do once in a while. Stop bugging me.

I absolutely don’t check it while riding home on the subway though. (That might be due more to the fact that I still have a dumb phone and can’t get the Internet on it.)

I’m not in denial – I openly admit it – I’m addicted. I can spend my whole evening constantly returning to my computer to see what new updates have come in.

I am most definitely not a Lurker – you know – the kind of Facebooker who secretly reads but never posts – the quiet ones. Well, I am not quiet. I post frequently – sharing with my Friends what I am doing at the moment, describing something I had seen earlier in the day or just spouting off about something that bugged me. Occaisionally, I will even put up a photo. Sometimes I share what others have to say, perhaps an article from the New York Times or some other website or even occasionally re-share what some FB friend posted on their own wall. But whenever I share something, I always say why I’m sharing it – my thoughts about it. I also want to make clear that I do read most of what my FB friends write when they write something in their own words. And I respond to what they say – adding my own thoughts and ideas – as though it were a conversation.  I don’t just press the LIKE button. I’m actually still undecided what the LIKE button means. Does it just mean that you’ve read the post? Does it always mean that you like and agree with the post? The LIKE button is too vague for me. While I am very happy to read others posting their own thoughts and words in my News Feed, I don’t copy other people’s words on to my page as my own post. I have my own words to use.

There are some things on Facebook that I don’t do and I mean DON’T with capital letters:
I DON’T poke people – ever! If you poke me I won’t poke you back. I probably won’t even notice your poke.

I also DON’T play Facebook Games and steadfastly ignore all attempts by friends to get me to play with them. So if you are interested in playing FB Games, do it with someone else and don’t bother me.

And the last of my DON’TS is that I don’t post photos of stranger’s cats, or some unknown person’s funny dogs or missing children pictures or picture after picture after picture of funny/uplifting/political text or quote –  graphically arranged with an illustration. When Friends post that kind of thing (without even any personal comment) I admit that I can often find them amusing, even very funny but when it becomes an entire flood of one after the other its a bit numbing and boring. It becomes totally impersonal and even stalkerish. Moderation should be the key word here. But, I like the personal.  Photos of my FB Friend’s own cats, dogs, children, miscelleneous relatives, food, baked goods and vacation trips are always welcome and I enjoy viewing them. (I also have to admit that I also like recipes.)

I sometimes have discussions with friends about Facebook in real life (IRL!). Some of these people are also my virtual FB Friends and others are not even on it at all.  Some say that they don’t post because they want to keep their lives private and I can respect that. Others say they haven’t joined because they don’t have room in their already busy, stressed lives for one more thing and I can respect that too. And finally, some say that they are just too shy to post and don’t know what to say. I guess I also have to accept that reason too but I must admit that I don’t really understand it.

I think one of the great things about being human is the ability to share who we are with other human beings. This is partially the reason I started this blog and certainly the reason I like Facebook. And its not just about me telling others what I am doing/thinking/feeling. I like reading about what other people are doing in their lives too. It makes me feel connected to those people. I like that I can decide to bake something, announce it on Facebook and hear back from my FB network about it. I get comments on how my baking looks, other recipe suggestions and virtual offers to come over and sample the results. It’s as though I have my friends with me while I’m baking. I also like making witty comments to someone’s post and if they are still online, getting some sort of snappy conversation going – a back and forth reparté. For me, Facebook is like a large, cross-borders, world-wide, 24-hour cocktail party. I can mingle freely with whoever is nearby (meaning online just then) sharing thoughts, ideas, opinions, and clever quips. I can be funny, supportive, consoling, congratulating  or quiet – all at the same time! But the best part is that I don’t have to put on my makeup or worry about what dress to wear, or did I have too much to drink or how am I going to get home, and if there will be a parking space in front of my building. I’m already home. And the party is always there, waiting for me, whenever I want to be there.

Okay, just let me see who’s online now. Has anyone responded to my last post? Gotta go.